My physiotherapist tells me that I attract weird people, he came to that conclusion because he is one of the people who hears my weirdest stories… Maybe because, when you see someone at least three times a week for, at least, 30 minutes, the classical and basic subjects, to discuss come to end. Or, maybe it is just for me…

Here, I will tell you some of the weirdest phrases I heard at least once… Some of these phrases could make you uncomfortable, but keep in mind that, to me, all that, tells something about them and their state of mind and nothing about me.

Recently, I was having a discussion with one of my relatives and I don’t remember why, but I told her that with my neighbors, I prefer to have cordial relationships and not sharing much, with them, about my personal life. She answered « Oh! But you know, in your case, they have nothing to envy you. » I was surprised and said « Well, I have nothing to envy them either… » She said « You know… with your condition…«  In my head, I was like « WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! »

What this tells about her is that if she was in my condition, she would consider herself as less valuable. Once, she told me: If I would have to depend on people as much as you do, I don’t know… I would kill myself. Maybe she would, indeed, and maybe even now what keeps her alive are superficial things. Nothing meaningful, unfortunately… therefore, I don’t hold any grudge on her.

Another time, a few years ago, when my opinion on myself was different from what it is today, I was explaining, to that same relative, a situation involving a pretty handsome man, who was interested in me. I considered him as out of my league, at that time. I described how he was, physically and I said « I asked him: Why me? », « Yeah… why you?! » She asked. I was surprised about her asking that too but I should not… here is why…

I was not valuing myself, how could she see something else about me? She was seeing me as weak as I was seeing myself. Maybe she was seeing me with less value before I showed her the poor opinion I had about myself. But if she saw that I valued myself, I believe that she would have also been able to see my strength. I was the one to blame, not her.

Once, when that man became my ex and a friend, we were talking and he said « I would prefer if you never mention to my new girlfriend that we have been together because she is the jealous type » then he added, « Well, I think that she would never believe that we have been together, anyway… you know… due to your condition ». I was « … »

Well, of course, that stabbed me. But the truth is, that friend had a lot to deal with himself first. He was not comfortable to be with a woman like me. To be with me the man has to be fine with who he is first. And he wasn’t. At that time, he had self-esteem issues and suspicious of people. People look at me every day and I don’t see them anymore, except for the days when I am not comfortable in my skin. Or when they are staring too much. He could not handle it, he used to get mad at those staring at me or at us. Being with me is not easy because in Belgium, because the cities are not inclusive (not accessible), people are not used to seeing enough people with impairments out, so they stare… And that can be tiring for someone who just wants to live, without being seen. I understand both sides, the ones who stare and those who are bothered by the starings.

« Are you able to share intimacy? » was asked more than one time, in a vulgar and shorter way. To be precise, in four words… It is always surprising because I never expect that.

One day, I asked a lady to help me grab a box of cereals in a shop. She kindly did, then lean over me and says « I have a disabled daughter, it is horrible ». In my mind, I was like « Okay… that was for free ». I did not answer.

I don’t know what she went through in her life, I just hope she doesn’t do the same to another person with a disability who could also be going through difficulties. I could handle hearing what she said because I know that had nothing to do with me. It is also a fact that there is not enough support for the parents of children with disabilities, in Belgium.

Another day, I was going out of a grocery store when a nice lady followed me and said: « I just wanted to let you know that when I see you I think that I have to stop complaining ». Seeing me made her feel better about herself… did she had to share that with me? Couldn’t she keep this happy feeling for herself? I don’t know… but her words definitely had an influence over the way I decided to treat my body. Here is how…

The day her words found me, none of what I considered as the flaws of my body are exposed. Despite that fact, that stranger saw something to consider as weaknesses and flaws. What those that tell me? Show all your flaws and own them because, no matter what you do, people will see whatever they want to. Regardless of the fact that you cover your legs or arms, they will see you through their lenses. The next day, I embraced the arms and legs that I used to find too skinny, by showing them to the sun. The words of that woman freed me. I have chosen to be freed by them.

Most of the times, what we throw at others is about ourselves, let’s learn how to use our words with kindness when we throw them to others and learn how to turn the stabs received into feathers, so we treat ourselves with kindness.

Feel free to tell me some of the weirdest phrases people told you, I am curious to read them…

Have a great week and take care of your loved ones,
Petit Cyborg